How many ways do we describe the process of change in our lives? From the perspective of counselling and psychotherapy we could name it as grief over the death of a loved one, the end of an intimate relationship or marriage, the shifting of careers or the end of one, having children, getting older, becoming ill, the betrayal of an affair, moving to another community, a spiritual crisis and many other life experiences. Even though all these experiences have their own powerfully unique emotions, meanings and felt-senses within, they also have something in common. These life moments are asking us to “let go” of something and to move toward something new. The letting go may be of a relationship, a behavior, a belief, a value or a connection to a place and people. It is asking us to “move” in a different way and direction in life. So why is it that we often struggle so fiercely with this natural process of constant change – the way of the universe?

Through our lives we are often taught, infused or outright misled about the human experience – our experience. Especially in modern Western “culture”, the focus on the strong independent individual who strives for total control of her life is the reality model that is dominant and supported by most institutions and the mass media of our society. We are taught to value self-reliance, individual freedoms and rights, to produce and consume and to see the world through a compartmentalized, reductionist and disconnected lens. Through this lens, our world becomes smaller and smaller, we become more isolated and separate from the elements, plants, animals, other humans and the larger mystery of living and being. So any time we experience life events that challenge this view, it produces discomfort and suffering. The degree of this suffering is directly connected to our level of resistance to change – our attachment to the “old”. We are taught to fear death, the ultimate change and to avoid feeling our emotions fully and completely which is part of the natural process of letting go. This denial and repression of the real energies moving within us cause our attachment to things that are already changing or gone, yet we cling to something imagined, reminisced or unreal because of this fear.

Yet, there is also a deep knowing within us that wants to let go, to free ourselves, to move in harmony with the forces of that great mystery. Our deep intuitive wisdom is still alive within us all, buried beneath the layers of misguided beliefs, emotional armor and old behaviors of how we are supposed to think, feel and act. There is a part of us that craves for that deeper connection to our internal integrity, authenticity and spirit. So how can we align ourselves with this bigger “knowing” while we go through a life change or even through a traumatic experience?

Each person’s path will be unique. Can we allow ourselves to reach out and connect with others for help and support? Can we can accept that we are not in control of most things in our life and certainly not other people? Can we see and feel ourselves as part of something bigger and that this bigger force is moving us in a way that is unfathomable to our human minds? If we have faith that we can move with this bigger force – well then maybe during our “letting go” we will be able to feel our feelings with the support of the ground beneath our feet, the birds singing to us in the trees, the people connected to us and the energy of the mystery of life moving beside and aligned with us.

How do we align ourselves with this bigger energy? First we need to listen. To listen, we need to find that speed limit and pace in our lives so that we can listen deeply to what is moving within and around us. To slow down, or in some cases speed up, so we can dim the mind chatter of fearful thoughts and listen to what our deeper self is trying to tell us; to hear the signal from the noise. Listening for the felt sense of your life which is present, in the moment and constantly changing instead of the static, limiting and often-times oppressive beliefs that keep us small. When we listen to and feel the constant change and movement within us we can then move in unison and alignment – like a highly attuned dance partner being lead and following blissfully. All we can do in “being danced” is to keep our feet and balance and move with grace and surrender along the way. We can go willingly or we can go kicking and screaming, but either way we are going!

A few years ago I was in a life circumstance where I was not moving gracefully with that bigger energy. I was burnt out and dealing with compassion fatigue professionally and was living in an isolated community away from my usual supports and wellness/healthy lifestyle pursuits. I was struggling physically and emotionally. Old rigid beliefs that dictated “life is hard work” and “you have to keep helping people even if you don’t have the energy” and “you can’t leave this community/profession” until you secure something else back in Victoria” kept me in suffering despite intense messages from my body, heart and spirit. It was only until my “grip” could no longer clench onto those old ways, due to exhaustion, was I forced to let go. From that moment on I learned in a deeply felt way to listen to the gentler and more subtle messages from within and have faith in them. Since that acceptance occurred my life has flowed with more ease, gentleness and compassion to myself and others in a sustainable way. By letting go and accepting the energy that is moving all of us, things have flowed to me with more and more ease. The more I let go, the easier it came.

We cannot stop or control this big dance, it will take us regardless. Letting go of the illusion that we are in control of our lives can be a very freeing first step of our dance. All we can do is learn how to move in step with it.

Jim Kragtwyk
M. Ed, CCC, ICADC
Medicine Moves Movement Psychotherapy and Counselling Services
Victoria, BC

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A Movement Psychotherapist’s Perspective on Relationships
He said, she said, she did, he did . . . .

For those of us who have had the pleasure and curse of seeing a therapist or counsellor for relationship counseling, we can likely remember a time, or many times, when we were trying to find a shared reality with our partner about some incident; some moment that triggered hurt, shame, sadness or anger within one or both of us. The common problem with this process is that each individual’s perspective of what happened or what was said can vary in extremely diverse ways. (more…)

5Rhythms · Counselling · Relationships

Having been a counselor for 25 years (the last 11 in Victoria, BC) I have noticed a shift in how I see the field of counseling and the study of psychology.  That shift has involved moving away from seeing the client as someone who has something “wrong” with them to seeing them as being more sensitive to a disconnected, competitive, polluted, materialistic and fearful environment and “culture”.  The way the modern world has changed so dramatically since the industrial revolution has put an exponentially increasing pressure on individuals to adapt to their environment.  The theory of evolution with its “survival of the fittest” mantra emphasizes survival.   I am not convinced that individuals who are most successful in a toxic, uncaring, short-sighted and self-absorbed environment are the
ones we should be cheering for to propagate our species.

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Counselling · Psychology · Therapy

How the medicine of movement can connect us to our pain.

In my 20 plus years as a therapist, (many of which involved working in the field of addictions and mental health) it continues to pain me to see so many people medicating themselves with substances, unhealthy sexual activity, gambling (sorry the euphemism of gaming just isn’t appropriate), shopping or any other number of compulsive behaviors that provide temporary relief from inner wounds. (more…)

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When you are feeling anxious and depressed it is hard to see past the mental fog that you develop and try to seek help. Often we are not even aware of how deeply we have progressed into a downward spiral because we are so caught up in the day to day drudgery of trying to keep it together. Well if you have had sleepless nights and are irritable and worried – it is time to take control and start the road to recovery. (more…)

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When a relationship starts to fail – whether it is a marriage, friendship or any relationship – we often feel shame and guilt and blame ourselves for letting it fail. And although it takes two to make a relationship and to keep it going we sometimes are blindsided by our emotions and feelings so that we don’t see the signs of deterioration until it is too late – and the relationship is broken. (more…)

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Do you feel like you are stuck in the same job that you have done forever and will never be able to do something that you really enjoy? Are you unhappy with your job but are afraid to venture out on a new and unfamiliar path? Have you lost your job and are scared to look for anything else but what you already know? Any of these questions might be what you are thinking – but you can get help to make that scary career change that will brighten your future and feeling better. (more…)

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People who experience chronic pain have usually tried many methods to reduce its debilitating effects and just make it go away. But sometimes the simplest thing like dancing can be used to aid in reducing pain and giving relief even for awhile. (more…)

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With the theory that dance movement is often linked to a person’s patterns of feeling or thinking, many are now using dance as a way to assist people with substance abuse or other addiction problems. With new dance movements people experience changes emotionally thereby giving the psychotherapist a way to encourage different patterns of behavior. (more…)

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“It has been a few days now, since Anne-Marie Hogya (5Rhythms Teacher) and I co-facilitated our first workshop together. While I could talk about a variety of external things that might justify it’s success and efficacy, in keeping  with the deep teachings of our practice, the best thing I can say about the process was that it “felt” really amazing while we were doing it.

As we are part of a co-created experience, this felt-sense of positivity was a reflection of the bigger group  experience. Of course watching people move, dance, smile, engage with each other and support each other’s
process also validated my perception of the workshop.

I was especially pleased to notice the impulse and spontaneity that arose in our facilitation. I feel like we were able to model and embody what we were trying to evoke in others – the ability to move our “wisdom into action” in a safe, contained, playful yet meaningful process of exploration and self-discovery.

My heart was warmed in the witnessing of seeing grounded, resourced and courageous participants engage with and playfully challenge the entities in their lives that try and stifle their healthy life impulses. Watching the smiles and movement, listening to the playful laughter and feeling the shift in the room when we did the “zombie” exercise (curious about this – ask me about it) confirmed that we were keeping the process safe and offering a new possibility in facing challenges.

I feel empowered and emboldened after facilitating this workshop with Anne-Maire. I feel so strongly and passionately about 5Rhythms Movement Psychotherapy and Dance and being part of this workshop has reinforced my deeply-felt truth about the efficacy, sustainability and powerful shifts that occur from them.

I look forward to hearing feedback from any of the participants or anyone who is curious/intrigued by this post.

Jim

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