Through our lives we are often taught, infused or outright misled about the human experience – our experience. Especially in modern Western “culture”, the focus on the strong independent individual who strives for total control of her life is the reality model that is dominant and supported by most institutions and the mass media of our society. We are taught to value self-reliance, individual freedoms and rights, to produce and consume and to see the world through a compartmentalized, reductionist and disconnected lens. Through this lens, our world becomes smaller and smaller, we become more isolated and separate from the elements, plants, animals, other humans and the larger mystery of living and being. So any time we experience life events that challenge this view, it produces discomfort and suffering. The degree of this suffering is directly connected to our level of resistance to change – our attachment to the “old”. We are taught to fear death, the ultimate change and to avoid feeling our emotions fully and completely which is part of the natural process of letting go. This denial and repression of the real energies moving within us cause our attachment to things that are already changing or gone, yet we cling to something imagined, reminisced or unreal because of this fear.

Yet, there is also a deep knowing within us that wants to let go, to free ourselves, to move in harmony with the forces of that great mystery. Our deep intuitive wisdom is still alive within us all, buried beneath the layers of misguided beliefs, emotional armor and old behaviors of how we are supposed to think, feel and act. There is a part of us that craves for that deeper connection to our internal integrity, authenticity and spirit. So how can we align ourselves with this bigger “knowing” while we go through a life change or even through a traumatic experience?

Each person’s path will be unique. Can we allow ourselves to reach out and connect with others for help and support? Can we can accept that we are not in control of most things in our life and certainly not other people? Can we see and feel ourselves as part of something bigger and that this bigger force is moving us in a way that is unfathomable to our human minds? If we have faith that we can move with this bigger force – well then maybe during our “letting go” we will be able to feel our feelings with the support of the ground beneath our feet, the birds singing to us in the trees, the people connected to us and the energy of the mystery of life moving beside and aligned with us.

How do we align ourselves with this bigger energy? First we need to listen. To listen, we need to find that speed limit and pace in our lives so that we can listen deeply to what is moving within and around us. To slow down, or in some cases speed up, so we can dim the mind chatter of fearful thoughts and listen to what our deeper self is trying to tell us; to hear the signal from the noise. Listening for the felt sense of your life which is present, in the moment and constantly changing instead of the static, limiting and often-times oppressive beliefs that keep us small. When we listen to and feel the constant change and movement within us we can then move in unison and alignment – like a highly attuned dance partner being lead and following blissfully. All we can do in “being danced” is to keep our feet and balance and move with grace and surrender along the way. We can go willingly or we can go kicking and screaming, but either way we are going!

A few years ago I was in a life circumstance where I was not moving gracefully with that bigger energy. I was burnt out and dealing with compassion fatigue professionally and was living in an isolated community away from my usual supports and wellness/healthy lifestyle pursuits. I was struggling physically and emotionally. Old rigid beliefs that dictated “life is hard work” and “you have to keep helping people even if you don’t have the energy” and “you can’t leave this community/profession” until you secure something else back in Victoria” kept me in suffering despite intense messages from my body, heart and spirit. It was only until my “grip” could no longer clench onto those old ways, due to exhaustion, was I forced to let go. From that moment on I learned in a deeply felt way to listen to the gentler and more subtle messages from within and have faith in them. Since that acceptance occurred my life has flowed with more ease, gentleness and compassion to myself and others in a sustainable way. By letting go and accepting the energy that is moving all of us, things have flowed to me with more and more ease. The more I let go, the easier it came.

We cannot stop or control this big dance, it will take us regardless. Letting go of the illusion that we are in control of our lives can be a very freeing first step of our dance. All we can do is learn how to move in step with it.

Jim Kragtwyk
M. Ed, CCC, ICADC
Medicine Moves Movement Psychotherapy and Counselling Services
Victoria, BC

For those of us who have had the pleasure and curse of seeing a therapist or counsellor for relationship counseling, we can likely remember a time, or many times, when we were trying to find a shared reality with our partner about some incident; some moment that triggered hurt, shame, sadness or anger within one or both of us. The common problem with this process is that each individual’s perspective of what happened or what was said can vary in extremely diverse ways.

The filters and lenses in how we see, hear and feel the world are unique to each of us based on so many factors. Issues from childhood, attachment with parents, trauma, genetics, personality, mood, physical health, fatigue and stress, medication and substance misuse all contribute to how we perceive and interpret events that “trigger” us or activate old patterns in our nervous system. In any given moment there is so much possible information available to our senses, yet only a certain amount can be taken in from the background to become the foreground and focus of our awareness.

How do we decide what to pay attention to? Our past experience (learning) forms and hones the way we perceive events. If we grew up in an insecurely attached, anxious and fearful home environment we are more likely to notice and attend to the risks and threats in life. If abuse and traumatic events were part of that experience as well, we are likely to notice and attend to risks and threats which are not only unlikely but improbable. If we grew up in a generally safe, happy and positive family environment we are more likely to notice the fun, safe and enjoyable things in life. This is how we contribute to our relationships. As one of my favorite teachers asks “Do we move towards the yum or the yuck in life?”

Have you ever noticed patterns of how you react to unclear or confusing situations in relationships (yuck=fear, anger, indifference, avoidance, silence, withdrawal and yum= empathy, compassion, curiosity and humour). Where and when did we first learn these patterns? Do you move towards the yum or the yuck? If it is the yuck, unless we recognize, identify, move through and transform these patterns we will likely go around in cycles of frustration, hopelessness, depression, distractions and resentment with our partners continuing to entrench and solidify these presently unhelpful
ways of reacting.

The good news is that there is great potential for healing our old wounds and in changing our “use-less” patterns and the only way to do this is in relationship. Until the realizations have been integrated into the mind, heart, behavior and spirit they are empty insights and “a-ha’s” that last as long as most thoughts do . . . which is not long at all.

Movement psychotherapy can powerfully and sustainably shift these patterns so we can enjoy our relationships instead of them wearing us down.

Traditional counselling does not go to these depths of experience and transformation. As a practicing counsellor for close to 25 years and having experienced a variety of types of counseling personally, I can
speak from experience. Movement psychotherapy can support us to model a healthy way for our children to learn about relationships. It can enhance our ability to love and be loved instead of it always being so much work or so full or fear, jealousy and resentment. I do not believe that relationships require so much work. I do believe that they require attention, mindfulness and intention and that these can be joyful and enriching processes on ourhealing and loving paths.

Through movement psychotherapy we can externalize our relationship patterns into movement(s) and explore, feel and become intimate with them. This can give us a deeply felt-sense of these patterns and also a deeply-felt sense of a different possibility – a new way of movement
within us and outside of us in connection with another. Further, when a partner witnesses us in movement as we explore our patterns and make them visible, they can appreciate and empathize with our experience, struggles and burdens in a way that language cannot make possible. By eliminating the use of language we also eliminate the possibility of argument, defensiveness and personalizing our partner’s experience further deepening their ability to see us, listen to us and feel us. Only in our vulnerability can we heal.

This type of movement can reduce conflict, deepen intimacy, increase joy and provide a solid foundation for health and healing. Move towards the yum!

Jim Kragtwyk M. Ed, CCC, ICADC
Medicine Moves
5Rhythms Movement Psychotherapy and Counselling
Victoria, BC

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In my 20 plus years as a therapist, (many of which involved working in the field of addictions and mental health) it continues to pain me to see so many people medicating themselves with substances, unhealthy sexual activity, gambling (sorry the euphemism of gaming just isn’t appropriate), shopping or any other number of compulsive behaviors that provide temporary relief from inner wounds.

Often times, these medicating behaviors are used to ineffectively deal with underlying issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, grief and loneliness. The root causes of these life challenges are many, complex and still not completely understood. Genetic predisposition, traumatic childhood and or neglect, unresolved grief and loss, modern fear-based “culture”, environmental deterioration, lack of social/intimate relationships and support, economic stress, personality and many other factors contribute to these ills of living.

Self-medication may at times give temporary relief and/or a distraction from problems but often this exacerbates the severity of the issue wherein cravings, compulsions and withdrawal return with more intensity . . . and the cycle continues until the pain is so intense and the relief from self-medicating is no longer occurring. Then what?

This is when many people reach a “choice-point” in their life. They recognize they can no longer go back to old and ineffective ways of allaying their pain and turn to find a new way. As a 5Rhythms Movement Psychotherapist I have seen the changes people have made when they connect to their pain in a safe, contained, paced and resourced manner as a way to move through it. Movement Psychotherapy helps people reconnect and integrate the many parts of their “self”. Body sensation, feelings, psychological awareness, social relatedness and ultimately “spirit” are integrated to make one whole again.

At one time or another we have all had holes in our heart that have limited our ability to be in relationships, to love or be loved, to find a fulfilling career, to create abundance, to fulfill dreams and destiny. The way through our pain is to touch it from our places of strength that can be accessed in a deeply felt way. Movement psychotherapy helps us create new patterns of movement within so we can bring forth these new patterns into all realms of our lives.

Be well and keep moving!

Often we have no real idea that we are not functionally rationally and sometimes need a boost in that direction from a loved one. Sometimes we are aware of some of the reasons for our anxiety and sometimes not. The important part of fighting depression is to find its root cause and start the work of healing.

More and more people are realizing that physical therapy is as essential as psychological therapy – therefore it makes sense to combine the two into a winning situation that will combat the forces that are keeping you tied to your depressed state. By using movement and balance exercises along with visual you are able to release patterns from your past that have held you back and you learn to live more objectively with less stress and the ability to resist the impulses to turn back to your old habits.

So let that suppressed aggression get expelled through movements and exercises that will teach you how to release the negativity and move forward rather than dwelling on the past where all those negative influences reside. It will provide more balance in your life so that you will be better able to focus on the positives in your life rather than the negatives making you a much happier person and one that is able to be stable and enjoy life again.

The breakup of a marriage or relationship of any kind makes it difficult to trust others again or worse yet we are often attracted to the same type of person that we just broke up with and who obviously wasn’t good for you! If you find that you have lots of feelings of negativity and irritability and don’t feel confident that you can meet anyone that will be right for you might want to think of trying movement psychotherapy.

This unique approach to coping with a divorce or other breakup will look at the patterns of our lives and how we are drawn to the same type of individual over and over again – mostly with negative results – because of our belief system that controls our lives. Often we can work out these negative feelings of poor self-esteem and an unwillingness to like ourselves by changing those patterns and pointing them in another direction with movement, music and other desensitization techniques.

Group or individual sessions can deal with the reasons that made your relationship fail – poor communication, anger or intimacy issues – whatever the reason you can refocus your patterns to a new direction that will allow you to enter a more satisfying and mutually beneficial relationship instead of getting into the same type that you have been drawn to over and over again – with poor results.

Movement therapy uses dance and other movements to express clearly your feelings and emotions so that you can release pent up feelings of failure or low self-esteem that have haunted you your entire life. It is a liberating way to unleash those imbalances in our lives that tend to bring us down or hold us back from trying different paths.

Individual sessions can work wonders to establish the reasons that you are feeling like you can’t get ahead or lack the initiative to venture out do interior design or launch your own business because you are afraid of failure or don’t think that you will succeed. Well – you probably won’t if you don’t think you will even before you start!

With movement therapy uses creative expression to explore the reasons for your lack of self-esteem or perceived inadequacies that have held you back. Often these feelings have not only affected your job but your family, marriage and other personal relationships as well. Learning why you have these feelings and then working towards finding a solution or overcoming your fears is what movement therapy is all about. It will also allow you to develop the techniques and skills necessary so that you can withstand failures even if you do attempt a new job – but it will show you that it was not likely your fault – perhaps it was just bad timing.

Often pain is linked to stress and other factors that are controlling someone’s life making it difficult to address because without reducing the stress it is harder to reduce the pain. Many times pain takes over as the controlling force in their lives as everything they do is touched by it or influenced by it.

So what can be done? Dancing? Seems a little silly doesn’t it? Well dancing can help or some form of movement that gets your body to relax properly will undoubtedly help. If the individual focuses on the proper alignment of the muscles and how to relax those muscles they become more aware of their body and how it works.

With discussion and movement that explores what happens when they feel the pain and what they consciously feel – and what they also unconsciously feel – the person will be more in tune with what is causing the pain and better able to deal with it. The trick is to find a way for the individual to control the pain rather than the pain controlling their life. Easier said than done – but most chronic pain sufferers will try anything to find some well-deserved relief.

Learning to expand the range of movement they can experience in different ways and to feel that they are able to affect a positive change thereby giving them a reprieve from the chronic pain they have experienced for so long is a liberating feeling. It is also one which gives them the impetus to continue to expand and grow with their movement psychotherapy to continually reduce the pain and will provide them the opportunity to take their life back again.

Whether it is done individually or in a group exercise, dance movement showcases a person’s emotional and behavioral state of mind and creates a comfortable and safe way for the client to let out suppressed feelings and emotions. This supplies the opportunity to work directly with someone’s personal conflicts by using role play and other techniques.

These sessions can be held in a private practice setting or in a community center or other educational facility where the client feels free to express themselves emotionally through movements of dance and the resulting conversation and verbal interaction. With group activities the clients often feel better because they don’t feel like they are alone in their feelings or alone in being a substance user and abuser but have others who share the same problems. This in turn allows them to feel more comfortable with each other in expressing their anger, their concerns, their feelings and emotions associated with a common and shared problem.

With one-on-one or in group, the psychotherapist gives each individual the time to work through their emotions as this is often pent up feelings, angers or remembered events that are painful to remember. The psychotherapist works to help people to find their inner resources that will allow them to take a different path in the future and they will learn to like themselves better and be better able to relate well to other people without the crutches of drugs or other substances that have robbed them of control of their lives.

As we are part of a co-created experience, this felt-sense of positivity was a reflection of the bigger group  experience. Of course watching people move, dance, smile, engage with each other and support each other’s
process also validated my perception of the workshop.

I was especially pleased to notice the impulse and spontaneity that arose in our facilitation. I feel like we were able to model and embody what we were trying to evoke in others – the ability to move our “wisdom into action” in a safe, contained, playful yet meaningful process of exploration and self-discovery.

My heart was warmed in the witnessing of seeing grounded, resourced and courageous participants engage with and playfully challenge the entities in their lives that try and stifle their healthy life impulses. Watching the smiles and movement, listening to the playful laughter and feeling the shift in the room when we did the “zombie” exercise (curious about this – ask me about it) confirmed that we were keeping the process safe and offering a new possibility in facing challenges.

I feel empowered and emboldened after facilitating this workshop with Anne-Maire. I feel so strongly and passionately about 5Rhythms Movement Psychotherapy and Dance and being part of this workshop has reinforced my deeply-felt truth about the efficacy, sustainability and powerful shifts that occur from them.

I look forward to hearing feedback from any of the participants or anyone who is curious/intrigued by this post.

Jim